DEAR DEIDRE: In the 28 years we’ve been married, my wife has never initiated sex.
She shows no real affection for me, although we have two adult children and a granddaughter whom she adores.
I am 58, my wife is 56, and in general we have a good relationship.
She is smart, funny and very kind, except when it comes to intimacy – then she is really a cold fish.
Sometimes I thought about leaving her to find a new relationship, but I love my wife and wouldn’t want to hurt her or our family.
On the rare occasions when we make love, I always initiate it, and then she will only have sex in the missionary position.
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Does this mean she’s just shy or not brave enough to ask? This worries me a lot and I’m confused.
Am I asking too much of her?
DEIDRA SAYS: I can understand your frustration, but you need to talk to her about this.
I know it might be awkward, but it’s important if things change.
She may not know how important this is to you, and initiating sex is what makes you feel wanted.
But if you explain and let her know that you find it sexy and arousing, she is more likely to understand and be receptive.
Perhaps she is more shy than uninterested.
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